Social media has rotted our brains with an overload of love, and rightfully so. While being sad on Valentine’s Day is a yearly endeavor, it’s my belief that recently, FOMO has hit us hard. 100 rose bouquets, Maybachs, tennis bracelets, hotel room decorations #facedownassup—whatever happened to a simple card and some chocolates? Surely all of our love languages can’t be gift-giving, right? And if it so happens to be, what happened to baked goods, thoughtful odd gifts? Why do we all strive for the flashiest, the biggest, the best? Will we love our boyfriends the same if our Instagram stories don’t show the benefits of a relationship?
While this can be seen as a rather bitter, jealous, perhaps superficial stereotype of women, that is not my intent. I don’t think we want these things, or that they would be deal-breakers in our relationships, rather I feel for us for the pressure we might feel online.
I can tell you one thing for a fact. Romance is nowhere near dead. Your man spent a pretty penny on that bouquet you have sitting on your vanity—I mean, it’s the least he can do, right? While I never want to defend a man. Ew.
There is something to be said about the new culture of gift-giving. Being online and seeing gift after gift, post after post: “If your boyfriend doesn’t get you this you need to break up with him” and “5 things you need this Valentine’s Day for the best day ever” can make your head a bit hazy about who wants these gifts: you or your Instagram story?
While I think it’s important to set standards for what you want in a relationship, I think we need to consider the “real” part of it. This is coming from a 20-year-old college student, so if you’re balling right now, you might not be my target audience. For the rest of you, unless we are debt-free and out of our parents’ houses, I don’t think begging for outrageous gifts is the way to receive the love you want. Social media is extremely fake. Your favorite influencers are giving you links to fake designer bags, and we expect a man—a 20-year-old man—to achieve these heights. We need to take a step back and appreciate the Trader Joe’s flowers or our little ramos and call it a day.
Gift receiving and gift giving are amazing love languages to have, and there is no shame in wanting nice, high-quality items. But we do have to be realistic and not push these unrealistic standards on ourselves and our relationships. Many may resent their partner if they aren’t able to deliver what they ask. I suggest we opt for the most amazing handmade card and a dozen roses or we might be disappointed when we don’t get that Dior ring next year.
I would like to emphasize that this does not mean your boyfriend should be neglecting you. If you didn’t get anything—not even a card or a cup of coffee—that is means to reevaluate. People are selling single roses on the highway for 5 bucks. Walmart has a whole section and I don’t think anything is over 30 dollars, and that’s if you fill the cart. I also saw cake pops were a huge one this year, that was so cute. How hard is it to spend 3 dollars and love that shit? Can your man cook? A CANDLE-LIT home-cooked dinner is just as nice, if not cuter, than the overbooked, CROWDED restaurant everyone goes to week after week.
Standards are needed. It’s your relationship; you decide what you want from someone. If you need the diamond tennis bracelet right now, I’m sure if you look hard enough, someone will provide. But now you are only with them for what they provide, don’t you think? Maybe I’m just too young to focus on or want something so extravagant, but everyone I know has a very long path to their careers. We are all ambitious and smart—what can I say—and grad school is very pricey. So, to me, it just makes me 1. feel bad I don’t get to have these things everyone posts about, and 2. feel bad for wanting more from a relationship that is already as fulfilling as it can be. It’s not my fault, it’s the access to these posts and the comparison to other people and what they post, what they get, what they did today. Everywhere you scroll it’s someone showing something off and then the next has something even bigger. And the next girl has something you didn’t even know existed. News flash, they are married, 27, and own a house and career. We are not there yet—very close, but not yet.
Our time will come to benefit from the hard work we and our partners have put into life and our relationships. We are still young, broke college kids, and we have enough social and economic pressure already. Let’s just enjoy the people around us and the love they can show us. I promise they are trying their best, just like we are. we are pkay right where we are and our time will come for the flashy stuff, lets enjoy the cute, the silly, the simple wonderful things of being a broke young kid in college with nothing but love to give.
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