Getting out of the weeds.
Seasonal depression, also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a type of depression that occurs at certain times of the year, usually in the fall and winter months. It’s quite fittingly abbreviated as SAD. This condition is believed to be related to the lack of sunlight during these seasons, which can disrupt the body’s internal clock (circadian rhythm), serotonin levels, and melatonin production—all of which affect mood regulation.
It might feel as though the earth and the moon are plotting against us, retaliating for the environmental damage we’ve caused. The importance of the sun has been documented since the beginning of time. For instance, the Aztecs worshipped the sun god and believed sacrifices were necessary for the sun to rise each day. Nearly every religion and culture has a connection to the sun, for both religious and cultural reasons. It’s the principal element of our existence.
Imagine if the sun didn’t rise one day—it’s one of the few certainties in this ever-changing landscape. It’s no wonder we experience withdrawal in the winter months. Why do they have to be so gloomy, though?
As I’m just starting out, I try not to be too hard on myself. However, every time I try to update my website, I end up having to recode it from scratch. I always seem to delete important pages or completely wipe everything out. This time, I fear I let the weather get to me. I have been nothing short of a ball of misery, in constant agony. I feel like Rory Gilmore when she went off the rails and dyed her hair pink. It’s bad.
And for absolutely no reason, other than the fact I’m old, washed out, loser of the century, wannabe philanthropist d***riding writer with no future, but other than that, no biggie, right? I’m losing my mind.My birthday is approaching—in a month, to be exact—and I think this is the main cause of my stress. First world problems, am I right? It’s hard to take this seriously when people are fasting on rubble. That thought alone earns me two more hours in bed, trying to sleep away the anxiety.
I’ll be turning the greatly spectacular 21: clubbing, popping bottles, mini dresses, and my highest heels. The internet has been the source of my misery since I was eight years old. Damn you and your unrealistic portrayals of adulthood! What happens when you’re an isolated freak who avoids human interactions? What happens when all your classes are online, and you stare at a screen more than you go outside? Some of us are house-bound… We deserve love, too. On a serious note, I am not excited. I think that’s something many girls can relate to. Birthdays are the worst. Bad relationship with your mom? Horrible birthday. Scared of growing up? Horrible birthday. Always doing so much for others and never getting the same in return? Horrible birthday. It’s all a mess—such an unserious mess. So let’s close out this part with a great ol’ happy birthday to you!As spring comes around the corner, embrace the sun. Remember that you’re not crazy—you just really need to go outside. Feeling alone is common, and I find comfort in knowing that most people my age are probably feeling the same way. Being perfect is just an illusion and a societal pressure at this point.
To all those turning 21, take a shot, party alone, create your dream day, and do whatever you want. Who’s going to stop you? You are alone, after all.
love through the thick of it all.
My boyfriend and I have officially been together for 2 years! Men suck, but this one is okay. We spent the weekend painting pottery and having dinner at Tzuco’s downtown. Kero is a very sweet guy, and I pity him sometimes because he has to put up with my nonsense—I don’t know what I’d do without him. That being said, I asked him to write a small review of our dinner for the blog, and bless his little heart, he wrote it. So here it is:
Firstly, I’d like to thank Stephanie for the opportunity to speak on her platform! Yesterday, we visited Tzuco, a Michelin Star-rated restaurant, and our first ever Michelin Star-rated experience. Led by the first Mexican chef to receive a Michelin star, it was clear why the restaurant holds such a prestigious accolade.
As picky an eater as I am, Tzuco surprised me with their Shrimp Aquachile. As someone who doesn’t enjoy seafood, this was one of the best-cooked shrimp dishes I’ve tried yet, with an incredible kick from the lime and freshness from the cucumber. We also tried the Tetela; the chicken tinga was incredible, with a nice smoky flavor and extremely juicy chicken, making for a great starter!
As for my main course, going back to my pickiness, I tried the Tzuco burger. It was fantastic, cooked exactly as ordered, and the gruyère cheese was the perfect addition, paired with the spice from the jalapeños and the rich earthiness of the black truffle sauce.
Overall, the ambiance was very welcoming, with a touch of homeyness encapsulating the restaurant. I would absolutely recommend Tzuco and would love to revisit, especially since we didn’t get to try the horchata latte margarita. Thank you again for letting me join in on this week’s post, and I hope everyone has a great week!
As we can see, he was really excited, and he kind of stole the show! Keroloss Hana, intern at the Chicago Department of Law. Thank you for the review and for taking my job.
Acne & Weight loss
In my efforts to be transparent and vulnerable, here’s my rundown. I’ve had acne since I was in 8th grade, and ever since then, it’s probably only gotten worse. I’ve gone to doctors in America who take one look at my face and decide it’s just “hormones” from my period. I remember visiting a dermatologist in Mexico who told me, “Wow, that looks like an infection,” and then proceeded to give me face wash that I can buy at Ulta right now. I know because I still do… I don’t think it works—I’ve since moved on. Thousands of dollars, embarrassment, shame, medical breakthroughs, and it’s still on my face. So we can suck the fat out of our asses, but we can’t figure out a way to fix this? We cannot be serious.
I’ve tried various routes of home remedies, praying, and even looking into laser removal, but nothing seems to stick. In high school, I went down a more dramatic route—thinking that your skin can’t be dirty if you don’t eat, right? This led to never-ending and all-devouring eating issues. While I’m happy to report that I think I’m healthy, this has manifested in an odd structure in my life. I don’t starve myself—I eat very frequently—but it’s like my appetite has disappeared.
I know that in recovery, people struggle with appetite and have to build everything back up. I understand that. I was never truly sick; it was never that bad. Think of it as really long fasts for a little dumb teenager—I was okay. But now, more than ever, I find myself forcing myself to eat a healthy amount and still not coming anywhere near it sometimes. I know what you’re thinking: the mental illness is probably very prominent to you and not to me, but I feel normal. My body isn’t a topic I dwell on or that leads me down an anxiety spiral, yet I am the thinnest I have ever been and eating like a mouse hunting for scraps.
It’s very bleak and spread out. I am not at all trying to make myself thinner or induce some type of disorder in myself—at least I hope not. My biggest concern right now is that I’m subconsciously pushing this agenda on myself in a way I’m not seeing. I sound crazy, and that’s why it’s hard to talk about, because what do you think? You’re anorexic, but you really aren’t, but you think your mind is secretly trying to make you anorexic anyway?
I fear I’ve let myself become a little too open. I hope I don’t sound crazy and that maybe someone somewhere understands. Acne gave me an eating disorder I’m still fighting. It’s a battle I didn’t bring a weapon to, and a future that doesn’t seem attainable. Being skinny isn’t everything—if anything, I feel like I’ve lost a sense of who I was, who I was really meant to be. It distorted my view of the person I see in the mirror, and on top of that, the acne on my face makes it seem like I’m a creature out of this world. Welcome to the inside of my mind—what a lovely sight.
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