Healing my Acne

I have dealt with acne since I was in the 8th grade. Thousands of dollars and doctor visits have not been able to fix it. While this is normal for a lot of people, I do not like it being my normal. In the article next to this, I talk about how we buy into the fitness industry to feel healthy instead of just being healthy. Skincare is my rabbit hole of endless consumption and comparison. I have never felt seen in the media or in my hometown; I walk around feeling as if I have a disease on my face.

I would like to change the narrative and my overall view and self-worth as a person who struggles with acne. As my boyfriend likes to say, it’s just my face, so I must learn to accept it and not constantly feel like a sickly person. Acne is not a disease as much as my brain would like to tell me otherwise.

Here will be monthly updates of my healing journey, both physical and emotional. I will review what I have researched as the best products for healing acne and scarring each month and provide updates on my face and emotional development as I aim to change my own narrative on this topic.

Below you will find products I have used this month and how I feel about them. I hope you stick with me as I try to find better ways. I research and test these all out. Thanks for reading.

xo, STEPh

You dont want it as bad as you say you do.

Matcha, Ashwagandha, Cortisol levels, Mouth Tapping? These might be things you see on your FYP more often than not. A new supplement conveniently linked in the infamous TikTok shop or the next new workout guaranteed to give you results in just 3 days! There has been a massive increase in content coming out of the health and wellness space since 2018, with the term “influencer” being granted to anyone who is attractive enough to gain your attention span for longer than 10 seconds. How is this a reflection of our society? What role are the media and big corporations playing in the mind control of naïve watchers?

When you go to the mall, by yourself or maybe even with a friend, do you ever feel the need to conform to what you see around you? What I mean by this is, do you second guess an outfit or purchase because of who’s around you? Maybe you don’t want to seem too frugal or picky, so you pick up something you wouldn’t normally wear just for the sake of buying something. Something similar I’ve seen online recently is “wanting to outstep someone on the StairMaster”? Say you’re in the gym, full workout done. You hop on the StairMaster for a little 30-minute session, but as soon as your 30 minutes are up, someone else comes up next to you and starts their workout. Now what? You would think you get your stuff and go, BUT NO. People stay. Why? To outstep this random person who wants nothing to do with your self-punishment.

Going until failure is a common technique used when working out to push your body to its fullest extent. I believe the goal of this is to help build muscle by escalating the weight gradually; the idea is that each set gets heavier until you can no longer keep pushing. A great practice, unless you’re using it for egotistical gain. Now you’re 2 hours into a workout you should’ve ended a long time ago because you are trying to prove to yourself you are better than the person next to you just because you stayed longer. You are the last one standing. You are better, fitter, hotter, point proven… only to you, though.

A couple of weeks ago, when TikTok was going dark, and no one knew what the ban would mean for influencers, they took it into their own hands to get one more check from their audience, revealing most of the things they post are fake. What did that mean? The workout plans you spent your last $20 on to look as snatched as your favorite influencer never worked on you because it never worked on her either. She never even did them. Some of the most monetized and profitable people are being paid to lie. Their job: taking mirror pictures and wearing workout sets. They have budgets solely for green juices and kombucha, the daily Sweetgreen. The goal: Push this narrative that being fit is the only way to have your life in order.

You will never please everyone with your body. What you want isn’t what everyone else might consider attractive. For example, a recent rise in Pilates has now turned many women, including myself, into mat lovers. Propaganda succeeded, and now everyone is programmed with Alo apparel and a yoga mat. With that came the weirdest superiority complex I’ve seen unfold online: Pilates makes a cute skinny girl while weight lifters are blocky and huge. What??? I follow an arrangement of fitness influencers more because I think they are pretty and I like them, and less for their actual fitness content, so I have a wide range of girls who look amazing but completely different in all ways. We all already have various body types and physical attributes, why the constant need to tear each other down? The rise of these gym-goers turned influencers is the lack of education and the explosion of ego. Growing a platform means being able to profit off your content, and when you will do anything for media fame or just money to live off, you will promote anything with an appealing price tag. Fitness bros constantly show new supplements, dieting habits, promoting the use of enhanced drugs and pre-workouts to young teens who hope to one day be able to look like them and talk to girls. They have no actual facts, just discount codes, constantly changing their routines to compete with other creators to keep their spot.

Society has told us that in order to be considered “that girl” you need to be awake at 5 am, consume all these self-care products, and have a 3-hour workout. If you don’t have a coffee or a matcha every day, that’s not cute or relatable; you need the cutest outfit in order to motivate yourself to do it. It’s not true, none of it is true. You can go to the gym looking a mess, you are going to sweat, especially being there half the day. But that doesn’t look as cute on Instagram as the newest Alo set does, right? Our health isn’t what we care about; we care to look fit, not about THE WELLNESS and health of our bodies. for starters, our body needs rest, and 2x a day, 7x a week is not helping your body or is even healthy at all, so there’s that. Constantly adapting to the trends instead of your body is not caring about health and wellness; it’s self-fulfilling to buy into the lifestyle, creating the illusion you are in that world when really you couldn’t care less about what is going on inside.

We should take pride in our bodies and take care of them, starting from the inside. Costuming them to look like online avatars will not get us anywhere other than further down the compression route. Constantly changing your routine will not help your body grow. Consistent effort and love are what will get us results. Stop focusing on how your body looks first and start thinking about how it feels instead. If it hurts when you stretch, you do not need that workout outfit; you need to work out. Decorating yourself in fancy stuff will never distract you from the aches of your body and the hurt of constant compression. The media wants to sell you a dream that they themselves fabricate for financial gain. You are beautiful and should never feel the need to change your habits in order to be fit; you are conforming to the idea and not the actual lifestyle itself. True lifestyle change comes from inner growth; we have to weed out these unrealistic views and focus on what our soul wants, not what the media is selling. True change happens when you are ready to see past the facade of the media.

Valentines day Recap

Love is in the frickin’ air, everyone! I spent my Valentine’s Day with my lovely boyfriend, and we watched the new Captain America movie. I loved it—I love superheroes, so this was amazing. We originally planned to watch Paddington in Peru, but we noticed Captain America was out too and couldn’t resist.

The movie was very good. I’m notorious for falling asleep or getting bored, I can’t sit still for the life of me, but I was very entertained. I liked how many minorities were in it, LOL. I know the lore of the comics, and I’m a little confused about how it will play out, but maybe I just need a Disney Plus subscription and really good lock in. Overall, it was a good movie. I saw a TikTok about Anthony Mackie talking about how he’s so happy people can watch a movie all about him and not just be a side character. It was so sweet, OMG. Whatever hate he’s getting for taking on the role is insane, and I hope he knows he had an amazing movie and performance.

Moving back to love, we didn’t want to do too much bang bang on Valentine’s Day because our anniversary is actually next week. How frickin’ cool, 2 years. We have a cute little date planned and just wanted to enjoy each other’s company. Kero only comes home on the weekends, so it’s nice to be able to sit next to him for as long as I can.

I thought I would have more to write, but I fear I piled too much work on for one day. I’ll be sure to have better, juicier stories for this column next week. Thank you for reading, and I hope your life is filled with an abundance of love and joy. XO